when no one listens..

 I've always wanted that. Change is scary. but I have to accept it eventually. Ive always wanted that. Always always always Always wanted that. Writing this while watching Good Will Hunting. 

People tell me everything ive achieved today is because of me and my efforts but thats not the truth. I will forever owe half of who i am today to you. I crave for changes. To study in a new place, exploring a new city, places that are not haunted by our steps and silly jokes. But part of me believes that this is the best version of me. This is the maximum i could go. Because who am i without you and your comfort. I can't do life without you. It has been months. Nine months of grieving and crying and i miss being able to believe in myself and actually enjoy what i'm doing with my life.  “The best version of me” started when you left, but not because you were holding me back, instead you were the reason I had hope in myself. You were the reason I wanted this life. You made me believe I could. I could lead. I could help people. I could secure a scholarship. I could make my parents proud. I could achieve good results in my exams. But you left right when that hope had just begun to...

I once lari follow a random car just to get a glimpse inside of it in case it would be yours

 We need to stop letting social medias influence how we feel. How I feel . It's getting messy and messier. I hope I can get through this. I just want to leave everything in the past in past. Leave without regrets. 

Last night, I had this dream in which a 50-year-old nurse gave me advice that actually stuck on my mind . "If you have a thousand chances to do good deeds, do it. Do it as much as the amount of big dreams and goals of yours".  I woke up and thought 'wow that one hit me'. We want so many good things, yet do we do enough for Allah and for society to actually deserve the dreams we have?  She looks very young for her age though. Thank you Allah for giving me this reminder.

 in another life i would take graphic design seriously....